lungs
by theriseofyin
Summary: asucaga, post destiny. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.


Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM SEED/GUNDAM SEED DESTINY

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**a/n: been a while since i've written GS/D fic. some of you may know me as Yin, from YinYangSisters-if so, hello! Glad to be back! AsuCaga has found me again, i'm happy to say.**

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_"I will do what queens do_I will **rule.**"_

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**Lungs**

His damn pride is going to get him killed one day; that is, if her own doesn't kill her first.

Athrun finds it so ridiculous - funny, even. He watches her in meetings, sees her smiling in the papers, in the televisions, in the holographic billboards that are generously scattered around Orb like a lifeline. He watches her day in and day out, watches the girl he used to hold in his arms, watches the girl that'd straddle him in her office chair as opposed to finishing her paperwork, watches the girl that ruined and created him all at the same time; the girl he hasn't said a word to in over two years, since the last war ended.

Believe him when he says it takes quite a bit to get a coordinator tipsy, but he manages. He's just about drunk enough to hear his heart pounding in his chest and his lungs constrict when she opens her office door in all her beauty at two in the morning. Yet, he's just about sober enough to put his feelings into words and keep his back straight, keeps his eyes fixated on Cagalli Yula Attha until they start to water.

"I don't understand," he starts, walking past her, hearing her exhale curtly and close the door. He turns, faces her, envelops her in glittering green eyes that she will never, ever forget. "I don't know what happened to us - tell me what happened, Cagalli."

A beat. Fierce amber eyes lift from the carpet and meet his.

"You know what happened, Athrun," she says, her voice clean-cut and slow. "I hurt you. You hurt me. I'm sorry, but-"

"No," he steps closer. "I'm sorry."

Her face doesn't change, but her jaw moves slightly, and when he tries to kiss her, she slaps him hard across the face.

"Sorry," Cagalli hissed, blonde hair sticking to new tears on her face. "Is _not_ good enough. _Believe_ me."

"Cagalli-!" Athrun whispers in outrage, chest heaving like hers, mouth open to protest, but the Queen of Orb raises a hand and silences him instantly, and suddenly, he understands a little better. He came into this office to speak to the sixteen year old who stole his heart, failing to see that that girl is no more, and that an experienced, dedicated, deadly-silent woman has taken her place, his heart sitting in her palm just like it did four years ago.

"I am so..._so_ sorry, Athrun; I am so so sorry for what happened between us. You won't even _begin_ to understand just how sorry I am," Cagalli spoke, tears stuck to her blonde eyelashes. "I am so sorry that I have hated myself every single day since that day on the cliff. I am so sorry that I don't think I'll ever marry again. I am so sorry, because there is nothing I can do to take back how I hurt you, just as there is nothing you can do to take back what you said to me that day."

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

"There are things that you cannot forgive, and there are things that I cannot forgive," Cagalli says, repeating his words from years ago. She draws a breath. "Ever since I can remember, I have always been told I was reckless, irresponsible, disobedient and immature. And I have never, not once, cared or hated myself for it. But then I met you."

The liquor is spilling out of his eyes in fat tears, he's sure of it, why else would it burn this much-?

"And it doesn't matter if I let you kiss me or fuck me or marry me," Cagalli says. "I will still hate myself today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and ten years from now. I will still doubt myself and think myself to be all those things they called me, because I believed you."

She stares up at him as he cries, eyes weak as his, but dry. "I believed you, Athrun. I believed I could not be forgiven."

Cagalli doesn't have to open the door, because Athrun is already storming out and slamming it behind him, and his lungs feel so tight that they are going to explode right within him, and the best he manages to do is collapse onto his bed that night without even taking his shoes off, letting thick tears roll down his nose as he contemplates a life without Cagalli, a life where he let her go, a life where he found enough strength to move on like she did.

But he can't.


End file.
